I often get embarrassed by myself when I cry. I think I have to be some bad-ass trooper that has it under control. Sucking it up and dealing with it. Wearing some goofy mask hiding.
The truth is, most of the time I am just a really good faker. I fake it. I fake being strong. Honestly…being chronically ill freaking sucks. But to make it through, I fake it.
Permission to Cry
It was brought up by a fellow blogger that Valentine’s Day was on the way and that we should try to write something about loving ourselves. So, this is my post where I love myself a little and give myself permission to cry, to break down and let it all out. It’s timely because today I cry. I am so much pain that I’m lost.
The deep bone pain is driving me insane and I am crying. I’m so sad for the life I do not have, I’m sad that Emma asked me yesterday to play with her like other moms. To play tag. To run. And I can’t. Sometimes I can for a little bit, but then I pay for it. So I have to plan these moments out.
Thing is, I can not linger in this boohoo crying moment. I can cry and then I have to pull out of it and forgive myself. I didn’t choose this. It’s just who I am and I have to cut myself some slack. It is what it is. My life really isn’t over. It changes constantly, but it is not over. There are plenty of things I can still do. Not everything is gone.
So give yourself permission to cry and not be a bad-ass all of the time. Just know that you are not your illness. You are so much more. Love yourself, love your life and take it one moment at a time.
Image credits in this post go to pixabay.
This #BloggersTalkingAbout series features amazing bloggers writing from the heart. Continue reading more by following these links. Loving Yourself by Joanne | Loving Yourself This Valentine’s Day by Traci | New Routine & New Doctor by Karen | Care For Yourself By Reducing Anxiety & Worry by Karen | Permission To Cry by Brandy | Caring For Myself In My First Trimester by Jenny. If you’re a mom/female blogger, join us in our group, Bodacious Bloggers
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You are not alone. And a little crying is a good thing.
Of all the illnesses I have seen, working in the medical field for many years, you, deserve to cry. Your disease is up there with cancer, which I always felt was the most horrible illness anyone has to go through, until I watched you progress and I learned more about it, heard the stories of others like you, getting so desperate they have to have limbs amputated, only to find the pain still does not go away.
Hang in there hun, we are all praying for a miracle!
Luv u
I know how you feel. There are days when there is nothing else left to do but cry. Crying may not get rid of the pain, but it makes me feel a bit better after I just let it go.
I’m sorry to hear about your chronic pain. I know it must make it hard to do the things you want, especially when it comes to your children! You’re a great mom (fellow unschooler here!) and I know your kids see it. Crying can be such a great release and I hope you allow yourself more of that. (((hugs)))
This is beautiful and I want to cheer “you go, girl!” I suffer from chronic illness myself and fake it a lot, as well. Some days we do just have to let it out. I so appreciate you sharing your truth. It lets me be a little more real, too.
Traci
I empathize, as I struggle with some health issues as well, though perhaps not to the degree you do. And I certainly agree you and we women in general need to be kinder and gentler on ourselves, and yes – CRY when we need to! It can be so cathartic and stress-relieving to just cry it out. And there’s nothing wrong with that!
So sorry to hear about your chronic pain. It’s good that you let yourself cry about it.
I also suffer from chronic illness that impacts my day-to-day and kept me from enjoying time with my kids as much as either of would have liked. There were days I didn’t even want to come out of my room. It’s ok to cry sometimes. It can be relieving to let it out.
Anecdotal – my kids are grown now – and neither of them begrudge me for the times that I couldn’t interact more physically with them. They are both very understanding