As some of you know, on December 5th my dad suffered a massive brain bleed from Coumadin. Brain bleeds cause brain injuries. He was in a coma, once he woke from that coma they kept him in a medically induced coma due to the drain that was inserted into his skull. Now that he is awake and in rehab, the true fight begins. He has to recover from a brain injury…I never thought recovery would be so hard.
Yesterday was a very difficult day. I went to the rehab to sit with my dad so that my mom could run home and do some laundry and other things she needed to do. When I got there my dad was doing Speech therapy in the hall. I went in his room to wait with him and they brought him in and let him sit in the wheel chair across from the chair I was sitting in. Everything was fine for a good while. I even took the photo of him giving a big thumbs up.
Then he was tired so they put him in the bed until it was time for his swallow study, which is where he drinks a contrast dye and then you can watch on a screen what happens when he swallows. They let us go in and watch. He didn’t pass that, so he will need to keep the feeding tube for now. After that my mom left and I went with my dad to physical therapy. He kept taking his oxygen off and it was a fight to get him to keep it on, a lot of redirection. Next we went back to the room because he was beat.
Well when he gets tired, that is pretty much when all hell breaks lose. He tried to pull everything out, took his oxygen off I swear no less than 100 times. Tried to get out of the bed MANY times. He moves FAST…now I see how he fell out of the wheelchair. I also got to watch how amazing the staff is. There were several times I had to call them for help. He was nearly out of the bed and I had to stand in front of him where he couldn’t stand because I was so afraid he would fall again. So he would grab my arms and push them back and yell “GO AWAY” at me over and over. At this point I don’t even know if he knew it was me. This went on for over an hour.
At one point he called me a “bitch”. I let it roll off until he said “nooo why did I say that…your not that. You are anything but that”. That is when I lost it because I don’t want him to feel bad. It isn’t his fault. He doesn’t mean it. It’s just this injury has messed up his thinking and he gets confused. Catheters are pulled, feeding tube pulled, trache pulled, oxygen removed….repeat this over and over. Trying to get out of bed.
He has no idea he is in a rehab most of the time. He is talking about loads in the semi and fixing things. This has to be the most difficult thing ever. To be aware one moment and then lost the next. I am emotionally drained. I can only imagine what my mom is going through being there 24/7.
There are moments when he is totally here and now. He told me “Brandy, I’ve never been like this in my entire life.” I said “Like what?” He said “Helpless.”
My dad finally fell asleep at about 4:10 pm. This was after about 2 hours of struggle. Brain injuries are no joke.
“Brain Injury is… a puzzle, all the pieces are there but in the wrong order.” -Barbara
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Oh Brandy, my heart hurts for you and your family. I hope that things get better for your Daddy and he will stay on my prayer list. It is interesting to read this. Connor has had 6 craniotomies & each one means some type of brain trauma. He is the sweetest most intelligent boy but at times he rages. Later he usually ends up crying because he says things he doesn’t mean. It is so hard to watch. We have learned to turn off our ‘listening’ ears when he’s upset but it is hard. Words can be so powerful but at times like these they are just meaningless words. I understand your grief and sadness but also share in your hope for a better tomorrow. Keep your chin up! BTW, I adore that picture of your Daddy!
Brain injuries are rough……. and they dont mean what they say when they ‘arent there’. He sounds like a fighter and will someday be himself again, its just right now he is a bit lost.
Prayers forr you all. And I adore the pics of him!
Brandy,
So sorry to hear of your dad’s brain injury. Will definitely keep him, your mom and you in our thoughts and prayers. Your family has been through so much and if anything I have learned from life experiences is that faith, family and love keep you going. Hang in there!
Theresa
Sorry to hear that you are going through this with your father. I will keep him in my prayers.
Oh honey, it sucks eggs big time watching someone you love fight so hard. Your dad seems like an amazing man who is fighting hard to make it back to you guys. I can’t even begin to imagine how tiring and emotionally draining it is for your mom and you to try and be calm during his many rounds. (((Hugs))) and good thoughts!
Hugs and love to your dad and your family. I will add your dad to my prayer list. Thank you for the personal insight into your family’s journey.
God bless your family, Brandy. They will all be in our prayers here, every day. We often don’t realize just how strong we are until we are placed in situations like this. Your mother needs you just as much as your father. Often caretakers have it worse than the ill. They often don’t have anyone to lean on. You are a blessing to your mother just by being there to help her. It will get better.
I can’t even imagine what your family must be going through right now! And your poor dad, I know he is grateful to be alive but the recovery must be so frustrating! I am thinking of you and wishing your dad a speedy recovery!
I’ve been following your father’s progress, but somehow I missed the original cause. I’m sure your father is growing stronger thanks to family being by his side. Keeping you & him in my thoughts.
I’m so sorry your family is going through this. Brain injury certainly is a scary thing. Sending positive thoughts for his full recovery.
What a huge challenge for both of you. Prayers for his speedy recovery and for peace for you and your family as he tackles these hurdles.
oh wow. This is hard….and brings back so many memories for me. My little sister suffered a brain injury when she was in middle school. She did the same things as your dad. I had to leave the room. It is SO HARD watching this. All my hugs Brandy!
Oh I am so sorry. 🙁 Brain injuries are so scary and I know how heart breaking it is to have to see your loved one go through something like that where they aren’t always fully in control of their words and actions. Hang in there, though, it sounds like he is a fighter!
((HUGS)) His story reminds me a lot of what my grandmother went through. She had many strokes, some because of the same blood thinner. Recovery is so stressful and hard for everyone especially the person going through it.
Big HUGS to your family!! I’ll been following along on facebook! Praying for you all!
Oh my goodness. What a heart-wrenching post. So often, I take for granted that I have two healthy, happy parents. Thank you for the reminder that I should realize what a blessing it is!
oh how I wish I could give you a huge hug! Thank you for the reminder of how important each day is.
This is a very touching post that makes me want to give you a BIG ol’ hug. I’m sorry that he is going through this and you have to watch him feel “helpless”. I will keep you and your family in my thoughts.
Oh Brandy. My heart goes out to you. Its so hard to see a parent helpless. I am sending you and your mom hugs and prayers – and of course your dad. I’m so glad you know its not really him when he says things like that. ((hugs))