Looking around facebook I see all sorts of old friends. Some that I thought were very good friends at one time. Some old friends I can’t even see any longer because I deleted and blocked them.
Usually I am ok with the fact that some people no longer talk to me. I mean I can understand why they don’t I guess. I’m not the easiest person to have as a friend. Most of the time I don’t feel well and I dread being asked the quiestion “How are you?“.
I don’t lead an exciting life in their eyes. I didn’t have much to tell them when they used to call me. I would talk about the kids and the things I would do with them. I would talk about taking a drive with Jenny and all the awesome things we would find to photograph. I guess that stuff just wasn’t interesting to some of those friends.
For awhile I tried to hang on. I would call them even though they never really called me. Most of the time the calls would go unanswered but occasionally I would get a call back. I don’t really even like to talk on the phone so I try to interact online, but it is usually a one way street. Anyone that is my facebook friend knows that I post photos pretty much daily. Most of the time I get a tons of likes and comments. These are all new friends, acquaintances and mostly strangers. It’s crazy to me to think I have more interaction with strangers than I do from people I had been friends with for years.
I’m just not that interesting anymore. I have no wild stories to tell. I’m ok with that. I still get sad to know that people I truly care about pretty much don’t give a crap about me anymore. It seems that I started noticing it the most when I had my surgery to remove the tumor. Did I change? If I did, I think I changed for the better. Well, besides the obvious physical and health issues. But I really do think I became a better person.
Sometimes I think too much…and that is when I get a bit sad. Just one more part of having a chronic disease I guess? My brain just doesn’t wish to behave in a normal way. Maybe it’s hard for those friends to understand that there is anything wrong with me. I mean I don’t “look sick“.
Thank you to the friends that have stuck with me and thank you to the new friends that liked me even if I am a bit of a freakshow.
Girl on Fire
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Oh Brandy, I am sorry to hear the sadness in this post. I have no IRL friends myself and I know it’s tough. Not sure if you know, but I too have a lifelong illness, only my illness is mental. People really don’t get mental illness anymore than they get a physical illness that they can’t see. It’s a sad thing. Although we have only met once, I still consider you a friend and I’m always here if you need to talk. And you are NOT a freakshow, you’re beautiful!
Thanks Andrea! I appreciate that and I know you understand. For the most part I am OK with it. Just sometimes it gets to me and I get a little sad and weepy. Thank goodness for my blog. I can come here and let it all out.
Well those “friends” of yours are the unfortunate ones not to be in your life any more. You are a wonderful person. I know, it is sad and frustrating when you think you have these “friends” but when you need them the most they disappear. I second what Andrea says – You are a beautiful, wonderful person. I feel the same way as you, but not because of illness…mine is just a different circumstance…same thing though…you find out who your real friends are.
I will always be your real friend and I will always be here if you need me.
Thanks Katie! You guys make me feel better 🙂
You know I am your real friend. Wasn’t it you who once asked me “how many friends do you have that are real?” when I was upset about the loss of one? When I answered, I remember you saying “well that’s all you need, real friends stick with you no matter what”. 🙂
You have real friends, screw the fair weather ones. I real friend let’s you hallucinate Vikings in your hospital room & posts about it on their blog. Ergo, I’m a real one. 😀
By the way, you know I love you, right?
Hi Brandy,
I was just telling someone the same thing the other day. Honestly, I can count on one hand how many true real friends I have needless to say true relatives. I do know where you are coming from and I hope that you can appreciate and see the beauty in the new friendships that you are acquiring and will acquire as you mature. Someimes we grow and go to places where others are just not capable of going that place is maturity.
It is rare to have more than one True friend in your lifetime and reading this, it sounds like you have a flowing river of friends. They may not be within reach, to touch, hang out with but just knowing you can connect with friends such as these who have responded, you are wealthy in the category. I am happy that others understand what a true friend is. Know that you all are loved because special people are rare and you all are special. Hugs to all the special people who are true to themselves and others.
It took me a few days to come and respond back after you posted… I dont have any IRL friends at all. I mean none.
My husband calls my internet friends my ‘pretend people’. I look and see 3600 people follow me on twitter and wonder why they ever would.
I agree sometimes being different is tough and it makes you sad… but it also gives you empathy something the world is lacking in. I will stick with my pretend friends and my animals- the world is a kinder and gentler place here.