When you’re encountering issues with your relationship, then it doesn’t help to ignore them. While we love to watch television with shows filled with conflict because it heightens the tension and suspense, in real life, conflict will eventually tear a good relationship apart.
Here are a few ways to deal with relationship issues and how to learn more about their root causes too.
What Are the Real Issues?
Sit down and make a list of the issues as you see them. Bear in mind that what your partner sees as the problem might be completely different. We each have independent ideas about what’s causing the friction.
Also, think about what the real underlying causes are. For instance, you might be getting into arguments about not picking up wet towels in the bathroom when the other half might actually be upset about a lack of attentiveness. This is because they may not know how to address and fix the attentiveness issue, so it spills over into something else, often subconsciously.
Work Towards a Resolution
While you might believe that arguing your side is going to lead to a great outcome, it won’t. The partner will have their side and you’ll have yours. When fiercely defended on both sides, nothing changes, and more frustration develops about the state of the relationship.
What you want to do is sit down and work through the issues. Find some middle ground that resolves them. When you can do this successfully many times in a row, you’ll usually have a happy relationship. And when you can’t…
It might feel like you’re conceding the high ground by taking this approach because you’re not arguing for your side. However, the reality is if you won’t care about his or her concerns, why would your other half care about your concerns? To work things out, we have to learn to get along better.
Don’t Make It Personal
The mistake people make in relationships is often to feel slighted or hurt and to respond in an unkind way. Unkind words or side comments aimed to hurt the other person’s feelings are detrimental to harmony. It may feel justified in the moment but creates a greater rift between you in the long-run. Disagreements that become rows that turn bitter don’t usually turn out well for relationship survival.
Learning How to Be Better
Getting some marriage or family therapy is one option if you’re both feeling helpless to fix the problems in your relationship. Going into relationship therapy is an illuminating process for most couples who have never gone through the process before.
For couples that feel grateful to have saved their relationship, going through therapy can make them curious about the profession. Helping other couples figure their way through difficulties is rewarding in more ways than one. An educational organization like Touro University Worldwide offers a master in marriage and family therapy online program that teaches you how to become an effective relationship therapist. The Touro website offers a good indication about the practical requirements of the course to see if it sounds like something that you’d be interested in.
There will always be conflicts in a relationship. That’s just life with two different people. It’s when we focus on figuring out the causes and what solution is best that our relationship will run more smoothly. However, bear in mind that it’s always a work in progress. There’s no perfect relationship.
Contributed article
Girl on Fire
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Excellent!! I feel the same way about my husband ten years into the marriage but life is the second name of sacrifice.