Being sick is hard. I think anyone that has a chronic illness can relate to the mood swings, a roller coaster of emotions. For me, this can come in the form of chronic pain meltdowns. I try to deal with depression as best I can, but the meltdowns are a whole different creature.
Chronic Pain Meltdowns
I start off every day relatively happy. In pain, but happy. Most days I can stay pretty cool. But some days …well some days I just can’t hang at all.
When it starts it’s just a blah feeling.
Soon after that “blah-ness” comes the weepiness. Just a little boohooing.
Then it’s a panic feeling.
Then without warning it’s an all out on the bathroom floor ugly crying freakout.
It isn’t fun. It usually isn’t triggered by anything specific and if it is triggered by something specific, it can be something minor. It just happens and when it does it has to run its course. That course can be an hour, a day, a week and even longer.
IT sucks. I feel weak, I feel dramatic and I feel helpless to it all. There isn’t even really anything that I can do, nor anyone else for that matter. I simply have to let it run its course. It can be debilitating. It makes it hard to make plans, have a life, have friends…everything is affected.
I may seem angry, sad, withdrawn. Please do not take it personally, most likely I just am trying to keep it in check to avoid other people seeing it. I’ve had them happen in public and it is embarrassing. All we can do is keep on keeping on and hope for as better tomorrow.
Things that Help Me
Finding a space I can be alone and just let it all out…for me this is usually the bathroom. Listening to music. Doing something physical such as skating or walking. Writing, whether in a journal or right here on the blog. Herbs such as Kratom and Ashwagandha. Essential Oils like Frankincense and Lavender, these have a major calming effect for me.
I would love to hear from you! Is this something you experience? What helps you?