I’ve been suffering a lot lately. We are having a lot of rain and while that is great for my garden, it sucks for me. Rainy weather seems to be a major trigger in my pain levels. Right now I have tears as I type this post. I want to just curl up in a hole somewhere and disappear for awhile. But guess what? That’s not an option, I must suck it up.
I went to my Neurologist yesterday to discuss my pain levels. We decided at this time to raise one of my medications by 2 1/2 times my current dose. I raised it last night and I had HOPED it would knock me out cold so that I wouldn’t have to suffer. It did not and I suffered…all…night…long. One medicine has already been raised to the maximum dosage awhile back. I’m not sure where we go next. There was talk of adding another anti depressant into the mix. But I don’t know. All I know is I hate suffering. I hate not being able to participate in much of the life that is happening around me.
When I am in pain I notice a lot of things and think a LOT. Things like being told that I have to wear a seat belt. I think that is BULLSHIT. If I want to wear it, fine, but if I don’t want to wear it I should not have to. The seat belt causes me a great amount of pain. I have to hold it out away from my body. I wonder if there is some sort of medical exemption you can get so that you do not have to wear a seat belt? Surely there are others that suffer from the binding belt that feels like it is cutting through my skin. I feel trapped, I panic and it hurts.
I don’t want to wear my seat belt.