Yesterday was so hard. After a very rainy day last week, I was left coming out of a pretty bad pain flare from CRPS. I sucked it up as much as I could, but sometimes I just am not that strong. Yesterday morning was roller derby practice. I had skipped the practices of the previous week due to pain, but I felt I needed to go yesterday.
When my alarm went off I really did not want to crawl out of bed. I put it off and put it off until finally I said ENOUGH and got myself out of the bed. My new friend Candy picked me up and I rode with her to derby practice. Just one more of the amazing women I have met through derby. Women that push me beyond what I think my limits are.
We started off practice as usual and I was making it, barely…but I was making it. Then we went into a drill that was blocking with a jammer trying to push through. I made it through this for a few rounds until I couldn’t bare the touching and closeness anymore, so I pulled off the track and skated laps. We moved on to some side stepping drills and my brain started to click and get it. Not pretty, but I understood what I needed to do and what I needed to work on.
Then…then it was time for our laps. You have to do 25 laps in 5 min. Now I know I can do this. I have done it and more, but yesterday was not so great. I did skate my laps, but not without anger and cussing the entire time. I was beyond frustrated. When we finished that I immediately had to go remove my pads. My pads are one of the hardest things for me to deal with concerning derby, but they are necessary. My body gets so inflamed and the burning and pain is too much. Then I cried. I cried because of the pain, I cried because of the frustration, I cried because I felt like a failure for not doing my best.
A bunch of great ladies came over and reminded me how far I had come and how much more I push myself than many other people. They told me that I inspire people, they told me that I make a big step each time I show up. They reminded me that I did do my best, my best for that day. Not everyday will be the same for me…I need to remember that.
Surround yourself with positive people, it helps!
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