Maybe it wasn’t such a small step, joining Roller Derby. In fact I think it was a large step for me. I think my friends were like whoa, what are you thinking… Sometimes even I think that too, then I tell myself to shut up, I do what I want!
I’m glad I took that step. I’ve been in a pretty major pain flare complete with mini break downs of crying and not even wanting to wear clothing. Saturday I skipped practice because of it and all day I was mad at myself. I should have just went. I should have tried. So when Monday rolled around I said I would be there no matter what. Yes, I was still in this major pain flare. I have sores on my left foot even. But I said to myself I would show up and do as much as I could. I would take my gear, put it on and if I could skate…I would as much as I could. Small steps. Step one just showing up. Step two putting the gear on, this is painful to me. The pads hurt me like hell, but they are required for safety purposes. Step three is just doing my best! Notice I said MY best, not your best, not their best…MY BEST.
So I skated and I skated and I even think I overcame my fear of the suicide stop. I really think I have it figured out, now I just need to do it at a higher speed. I’ll get there! I have been in group one since September and that is OK! I have watched girls join and fly through and already be placed on a team. That is awesome, but that isn’t me. I’m going to hang out here in group one until I have it all mastered the best I can. It’s good for me!
I hope if you want to do something that you just DO IT. Don’t compare yourself to others. Don’t freak out and quit because you can’t do it the first time. If you want something bad enough you work at it and work at it until you master it. Don’t be a quitter.
Today I feel wonderful, well as wonderful as I can while being consumed by an invisible fire haha! Seriously though, I feel good because I am proud of myself. I am not pain free by no means, but I have learned how to get past that as best I can with my attitude. You can do that too! You just have to want to! Quit making excuses and start kicking ass…
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