Looking around facebook I see all sorts of old friends. Some that I thought were very good friends at one time. Some old friends I can’t even see any longer because I deleted and blocked them.
Usually I am ok with the fact that some people no longer talk to me. I mean I can understand why they don’t I guess. I’m not the easiest person to have as a friend. Most of the time I don’t feel well and I dread being asked the quiestion “How are you?“.
I don’t lead an exciting life in their eyes. I didn’t have much to tell them when they used to call me. I would talk about the kids and the things I would do with them. I would talk about taking a drive with Jenny and all the awesome things we would find to photograph. I guess that stuff just wasn’t interesting to some of those friends.
For awhile I tried to hang on. I would call them even though they never really called me. Most of the time the calls would go unanswered but occasionally I would get a call back. I don’t really even like to talk on the phone so I try to interact online, but it is usually a one way street. Anyone that is my facebook friend knows that I post photos pretty much daily. Most of the time I get a tons of likes and comments. These are all new friends, acquaintances and mostly strangers. It’s crazy to me to think I have more interaction with strangers than I do from people I had been friends with for years.
I’m just not that interesting anymore. I have no wild stories to tell. I’m ok with that. I still get sad to know that people I truly care about pretty much don’t give a crap about me anymore. It seems that I started noticing it the most when I had my surgery to remove the tumor. Did I change? If I did, I think I changed for the better. Well, besides the obvious physical and health issues. But I really do think I became a better person.
Sometimes I think too much…and that is when I get a bit sad. Just one more part of having a chronic disease I guess? My brain just doesn’t wish to behave in a normal way. Maybe it’s hard for those friends to understand that there is anything wrong with me. I mean I don’t “look sick“.
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